Apparently, science has decided to humble everyone.
According to researchers at the University of Illinois, it can take up to eight years—yes, eight—to fully get over an ex from a long-term relationship. Not eight years of heartbreak hotel, tissues, and sad playlists on repeat. No, this is about the quiet kind of remembering—the emotional residue that lingers long after the last text was sent.
It’s the little things. The mental comparisons. The split-second flashes when someone new laughs differently, touches differently, shows up differently—and somewhere in the brain, a memory says, “That’s not how John John used to do it.”
The researchers found that emotional detachment from a past relationship doesn’t happen all at once. It fades gradually, in what’s called a logarithmic decline—a fancy way of saying: it gets easier, but the final traces? They take their sweet time. The early stages bring the biggest emotional shift, but the last threads of attachment can linger for years.
This isn’t about toxic relationships—those need swift exits and no looking back. This is about the ones that were meaningful, even if they weren’t meant to last. The ones built on connection, realness, and something that once felt like forever.
That kind of bond doesn’t just disappear. It sticks around, mostly through comparison. The comparisons stretch out the timeline—not always intentionally, but consistently. Because when a relationship creates habits, preferences, and comfort, everything after it is measured against that baseline—even subconsciously.
And here’s the kicker: being in a new relationship doesn’t shorten the timeline. That part tends to surprise people. New love doesn’t cancel out old memories. Time is the only thing that truly does the work—and some people, quite simply, take longer to fade.
Even by the end of that eight-year mark, it’s not total deletion—it’s emotional distance. That person becomes someone who’s remembered, but not felt. Someone who’s filed away in the “used to know” category. The memory stays. The bond, however, softens.
Which brings us here: the selection process. If someone could live in the subconscious for nearly a decade after they’re gone, then choosing the right people matters. Not perfect people, but aligned people. Compatible people. People who match goals, values, emotional pace.
Not team picky—just team intentional.
Because when a relationship ends, the hope isn’t to erase it. The hope is to feel peace when it’s over. And that starts with choosing wisely, loving well, and understanding that even the best love stories sometimes echo long after the final chapter.