If there’s a thing called the paradox of choice, is one of the places we’re experiencing it the most in the world of online dating?
I can’t help but think back to the rom-coms of the early 2000s—those charming, nostalgic films that always had some variation of a plot: a 28-year-old returns to their high school reunion, searching for their old crush or prom date, wondering what happened to them over the years. There’s a magical look back at their teenage years, and, in the end, the two reconnect. The meeting turns into something meaningful. Something lasting. It’s a story that feels wholesome because it reflects the simplicity of connection before the internet made us feel like we were always one click away from someone else.
I actually know several people whose real-life “reunions” followed that same path. They found a connection they weren’t expecting—rekindled something that had been dormant for years. It wasn’t about a perfect match or a profile picture. It was about human history. It was raw. It was real. And it could last.
But what happens now, in an age where the "what happened to my high school crush?" question can be answered with a quick social media search? Where we no longer need to be at a reunion to find the “one that got away”? Where, instead of longing, we satisfy that curiosity in an instant?
Welcome to the age of abundance. Welcome to the age of too much information.
From Reunion to Swipe: A Shift in ExpectationsRemember Facebook Dating? For millennials, it was like the last oasis where things still felt authentic. Sure, it was part of a digital network, but it still felt like a small, semi-intimate way of connecting with people from your past without feeling like you were just another profile in the mix. There was still a sense of “who you are” versus “how many likes you get.” But then the swipe culture took over. It wasn’t just Facebook. It was everywhere—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and the countless others. Suddenly, we weren’t just meeting people who lived in our city, or even our country. We were meeting the world.
And in this world of endless choices, something subtle began to shift. We stopped seeing each person as a unique connection and started viewing them as just another potential option. With the swipe of a finger, someone goes from “I’m interested in this person” to “I’m done.” But is that really how connections are made?
We now live in a time where the choices are endless, and yet, many of us feel more isolated than ever. So much has changed, and much of it feels like a paradox. Why are we more connected than ever, yet more single than we’ve been in decades?
A recent study from the Pew Research Center highlighted this disconnect: more than half of Americans using online dating apps report feeling frustrated by the experience, and yet, they keep swiping. Maybe it’s not just about finding the perfect match anymore—it’s about the idea that someone better might be just one swipe away. And that uncertainty keeps us always searching, but never really settling.
Is Too Much Choice Preventing Us from Choosing?If we’ve learned anything about the human condition, it’s that we thrive in simplicity. There’s comfort in limited options because we can focus. We can make choices that feel intentional. But when we’re flooded with options, we start to treat people as commodities. And with every swipe, the weight of connection gets lighter.
Think about the rom-coms again: there was never an abundance of options for the protagonist. Sure, maybe there was the classic love triangle—but ultimately, the “one that got away” was just one person. There was something finite about it that made it valuable. Now, that feeling of finite possibility has been replaced with infinite swiping, a constant loop of faces and names that never feel real enough to hold onto.
Here’s the thing: the right person won’t check all of your boxes. This isn’t a dating app version of House Hunters. If that’s the mindset, we’ve lost sight of what real connection looks like. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the perfect match is just around the corner when there are literally millions of profiles out there. But maybe we’ve lost something important in that search: the ability to see someone for who they truly are, not just the perfect fit for our checklist.
The Cost of Too Many ChoicesSo, why are so many Americans single? Is it because we’ve become too picky? Is it because the idea of “settling” feels outdated? Maybe it’s because we’ve forgotten what it means to be vulnerable in the face of imperfection.
As we swipe endlessly through profiles, our emotional bandwidth is depleted. We’re more likely to give up on someone before we even learn about them—because there’s always another option. And that makes it harder to truly connect.
In a world of endless options, we have forgotten the beauty of limited possibility. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we deserve the perfect match, forgetting that the right person might not look like the one we imagined, but instead will surprise us in ways we never expected.