I remember being under 18, flipping through Mademoiselle and Cosmo like I was unlocking ancient secrets of womanhood. They’d promise things like “5 Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship,” and I just knew those writers secretly understood their audience was me—a teenager with Bonne Bell lip gloss and a dream. “Wear flavored chapstick,” they’d say, and I believed it was the key to adult intimacy.
Well, I’ve been a grown-up for a while now. I can’t tell you the last time I wore anything flavored on my lips, and these days, “spicy” looks a lot more like someone handling bedtime or bringing home the right brand of almond milk. Romance doesn’t go away—it just changes form. So, in honor of those glossy magazine promises, here are five ways to keep things steamy even when you're juggling full-time work, the summer heat, the kids’ schedules, and an economy that’s out here wildin’.
1. Netflix and Chill (Literally—Please Turn On the A/C)
Gone are the days of “Netflix and chill” meaning anything other than collapsing into a heap with snacks and streaming. But with intention, this old favorite still delivers. Pick a series neither of you have seen. Make a rule: no scrolling during the show. Maybe even light a candle or, you know, dim the lights. Bonus points if you share a bowl of popcorn and let your feet touch. That’s foreplay when you’ve both been up since 6 a.m.
2. Take a Walk Together (Without the Kids, the Dog, or Errands)
This isn’t about burning calories. This is about the magic that happens when you both leave your phones at home (or at least in your pocket) and take a slow, sweaty, slightly resentful walk together after dinner. Complain about the heat. Gossip about the neighborhood. Remind each other who you are outside of bills and bedtime routines. Maybe hold hands. Maybe sweat too much to hold hands. Both are valid.
3. Review Your Budget (Yes, Really—It Can Be Hot)
Stay with me. Sitting down with a cold drink and your budget doesn’t sound sexy, but there’s something wildly intimate about facing your reality together. Make a list of shared goals: a weekend trip, a new mattress, takeout twice a week instead of once. Dreaming together—even within constraints—is a major turn-on. Financial intimacy is intimacy. Add a spreadsheet and subtract some stress.
4. Plan a Vacation (Fantasy or Real, It Works)
Planning is foreplay. Book something if you can—nothing fancy, maybe just one night at a place with blackout curtains and no small people demanding snacks. If a real trip isn’t on the table, plan a fantasy one. Build a Pinterest board. Send each other hotel options. Pretend you’re going to Italy. Or Costco. The point is: put your heads in a future where it’s just the two of you, well-rested and glowing.
5. Have a Nap Date (The New Secret Rendezvous)
Here’s the move: one of you texts the other and says, “Call off. I already did.” You meet at home in the middle of a weekday. You put your phones on Do Not Disturb. You get in your comfiest clothes (or nothing at all—but let’s be real, probably sweatshorts and a tank top). You crawl into bed, throw on a documentary narrated by David Attenborough, and you nap. That’s it. Not “fall asleep watching TV together.” An intentional nap. Together. In daylight. This is what grown-up love looks like. And yes, it’s hot.
Relationships in adulthood aren’t about big romantic gestures. They’re built on quiet moments, shared snacks, financial spreadsheets, and the sacred silence between two people who both just want to not be needed for one whole hour.
Spice doesn’t come in a lip gloss tube anymore—it shows up in the ways we show up for each other. Even (especially) when the world is on fire.